A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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