Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
