I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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