I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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