I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
