so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
