FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
