So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
