Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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