my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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