I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
