New low: just hacked my moms facebook
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
