Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
