I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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