I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
