Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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