I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
