We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
