DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
