I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
