How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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