I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
