So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
