I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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