She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
