stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
