It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
