I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
