So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
