Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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