I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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