just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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