Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
