I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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