It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
