Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
