shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
