I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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