I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
