a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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