Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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