Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
