Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
