I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
