I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
