god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
