so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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