i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
