hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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