I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
